


Not Yet

by GenuineSnoof



Category: X-Men - All Media Types
Genre: Charles!whump, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, No Beach Divorce - but Erik didn't stay at the school, Poor Charles, Protective Erik, Violence, mutants in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-11
Updated: 2018-11-11
Packaged: 2019-08-22 02:13:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16588808
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GenuineSnoof/pseuds/GenuineSnoof
Summary: "Do you know who I am?""No," Charles said. "You... know me?""Yes. Your name is Charles. I'm Erik.""Charles.""Yes. Charles Xavier. What the hell happened? How did you get here?""I woke up," Charles said. "And I... left."





	Not Yet

**Author's Note:**

> AU - No Beach Divorce and no bullet, but Erik still didn't stay at the school for good. They have an established "with benefits" relationship.

Erik took his beer and left the bar. Outside, little groups of young people huddled together, the bar was crowded. There was laughter and cigarette smoke mingling in the cool autumn evening. Dusk was fading into night, the beer was bad but cold. 

Erik leaned against the wall of the bar, watching no one and everyone out of habit. There was a group of young men a little away from the bar, talking loudly, a girl belonging to another group had started making eye contact with one of the boys. 

Back home dinner would be over by now, but of course he wouldn't think of it as home. It'd be time to retreat into Charles' study with two glasses of very fine whiskey and the chess board. There'd be a fire and lazy conversation, both tired from the day that lay behind and maybe they'd sleep in the same bed later and maybe they'd make love.

At home, he'd feel trapped between the urge to belong, to really settle, to move his few belongings into Charles' bedroom and call it all home, and the antsy need to leave, run, travel, escape, be free. Here, in the freedom of a lonely night outside a city bar, however, he longed for home, for Charles' lame jokes that always seemed intentionally bad – to distract him from the game, Erik was sure – and the warmth of the fire, the warmth of the bed.

Erik had returned home and left again so many times now, he'd lost count. Every time he left again, he hugged Charles and promised to take care of himself and felt that damned twang of hurt at leaving him behind, but knew it had to be that way, knew he'd not return for a long, long time. 

And then he'd be back in two months' time. 

"Nobody will think you weak if you just stay," Charles had told him one night, draped across Erik's chest, gently petting his cheek and his head nestled close under Erik's chin. 

"I wouldn't care either way," Erik said. 

"But in case you do," Charles said. "I wouldn't think anything but ... hooray."

Erik snorted a smile. "It's not that easy. Home... this place, it isn't for me."

"That's where you're wrong," Charles said. "It's exactly for you."

"Yeah? What gives you that idea?"

"I'm here."

Erik rolled his eyes and pressed a kiss to Charles' hair. "Arrogant prat."

Charles sighed deeply and snuggled closer. Erik could feel his eyelashes against his skin when he blinked. "I'd never ask you to stay. You can't, I know that. But I don't have to pretend I like it."

"We don't have to talk about it at all," Erik said. 

"You could say you're not staying, YET," Charles said.

"That'd be a lie."

"Says you. One of these days, I'll snap and just make you stay forever." Charles chuckled, then lifted his head when no reaction came. "Darling, it was just a joke. I'd never-"

"You better not," Erik said, rolled him over to pin him down and kissed him as if as a punishment. He didn't say he'd momentarily thought that prospect seemed the best way, he wouldn't have to make a decision that way and he didn't say that that thought had scared him. He hated others deciding over him. Anyone but Charles and he would have been ready for a fight. Anyone but Charles and he would have decided a long time ago.

He sipped his beer, watching the other drinkers and tried not to think of home.

A hooded figure was approaching a group of young people from the bar, the classic posture of street-humility giving them away as a beggar right away. The young people ignored the figure and they walked from group to group without ever being even acknowledged.

Erik could see the shivers run through the narrow shoulders clad in a hooded sweater and no jacket. It was going to be a cold night. He searched in his jeans pockets for a few dollars and lifted his head just in time to look into the beggar's face who finished his fruitless search in front of him next to the bar door.

"Here, it's all I go-" Erik stared into Charles' face, at the relief, the blue eyes flickering from the money in his hands back to his face. 

"Thank you," Charles said in a small voice. He looked like he didn't know whether to reach out for the dollar bills or not. Erik still hadn't handed them over.

Erik stared. "Is this a trick?" he asked and actually looked around as if Charles' astral form was going to approach any second, telling him he'd used this poor bastard to follow him through Cerebro or something equally appalling.

But Charles stood in front of him, dirty and pale and looked down at the money nervously. "No," he said. "No trick... I don't know what you mean. I'm sorry." He made to turn and leave, scared by Erik's reaction, but Erik held him back. Charles flinched when his arm was grabbed and Erik let go immediately. He didn't notice it right away, but frowned at his hand a moment later.

"What're you doing here? Do you know who I am?"

Charles took a step back and hugged himself. His hair that peeked out from under the hoodie looked matted and towsled, in the crisp air Erik could smell him. 

"No," Charles said. "You... know me?"

"Yes. Your name is Charles. I'm Erik." Erik bowed his head a little to look into Charles' eyes.

"Charles."

"Yes. Charles Xavier. What the hell happened? How did you get here?"

"I woke up," Charles said. "And I... left." He frowned and hugged himself tighter. "I don't know."

"Woke up where?"

"Are you..." Charles trailed off, watching Erik warily.  
"A friend," Erik said. "We're good friends. When was it that you woke up?"

"I don't know. I don't know." Charles shivered and Erik quickly shed his jacket to put it around Charles. Again, Charles flinched, but Erik let his hands linger on Charles' shoulders. He looked aside at the groups of peple still talking. None of them was paying them any attention. They hadn't at all acknowledged Charles.

"You're invisible." Erik frowned.

"Could say that. People treat me like I am," Charles said with a soft humorless smile.

Erik looked back at him. "You're coming back to my hotel," he said. "Hank will be beside himself with worry, the kids... And you need a shower."

At that, Charles stood a bit straighter as if excited. 

"When was the last time you ate?" Erik asked,

"Nobody's given me any money, nothing," Charles said instead of an answer. "I found something in the trash most days, but no one's... One man gave me a fiver once, he was the only one. Didn't talk to me at all, just gave me five dollars and walked on."

Erik nodded and put his glass down behind him, then started in the direction of his hotel, waiting for Charles to follow. "I got room service," he said.

 

**************************************

 

Erik wasn't surprised no one paid them any attention as they walked into the hotel lobby and took the elevator up to his room.

Charles looked nervous, constantly hugging himself or pulling at his too long sleeves to kneed them in his hands. Once inside, he walked briskly past Erik to stand in front of the bed and took off his hood. His messy hair fell into his eyes and over huge plasters on his temples and forehead. 

"You're hurt," Erik said. He wanted to reach out, brush back Charles' hair and check the wounds, but didn't. He remained close to the door, waiting.

"Hm? Oh. No. Yes. No, it stopped bleeding. I bought those," Charles said and gestured for his head as if defending himself against an accusation. "With the fiver."

"Are you hurt anywhere else?"

"No. My neck. It's not that bad." He looked around the room, took a deep breath and took off his hoodie. Underneath, he was naked. "You want me to take a shower first, right?"

The wrongness of his tone didn't register right away what with his torso being littered with bruises and shallow cuts. Erik heard himself gasp. 

"The hell. Do you remember how you got those?" He wanted to point, but didn't. That didn't register right away, either.

"No." Charles bowed his head a little and hugged his hoodie slightly as if to cover himself. "When I woke up..." He shrugged.

"You should be in hospital."

"No," Charles snapped. "That... doesn't feel right. I don't want that."

Erik frowned. Suddenly, the idea of going to a hospital seemed ludicrous, but he didn't know why, it just did.

"I'll call room service. You look..." He shook his head curtly. Something was wrong. "Look at you."

"Yeah, sorry. I'll, uh, go shower," Charles said but didn't move towards the bathroom or to undress more. 

The slightest wave of fear reached Erik and he widened his eyes. "Charles, no. You're... we're not going to... Jesus, fuck." He wanted to run his hand through his hair and noticed for the first time why he didn't. He let go of a deep breath. "You're not... what you think you are. We're friends, I'm not going to do anything."

Charles frowned. He still looked scared. "But you know me. You... took me here with you."

"Not for that," Erik said. "I'm a real friend, I'm Erik. I'm going to help you."

"But I-I think I remember us." Charles hugged his sweater tighter, hunching his shoulders. "You know, like that. Not really, but I feel like I do?" He looked lost.

"Yes," Erik breathed. "Well, we're complicated. You could say we're intimate friends, but it's not like this, not what you think."

Charles looked so helpless, Erik wanted to hug him. 

"There's actual love there, with us. Not this. You're not a prostitute, I'm not your pimp or whatever it is you're thinking." It hurt to even say it. Erik wondered if a part of Charles really perceived a power hiarchy like that in their relationship or if it'd just been his unconscious memory mixing with his fear.

"I'll explain everything," Erik said, "but let me go first."

"What?"

Erik sighed. "You really don't know you're doing it, do you? You have powers, Charles, and you're using them right now to keep me frozen here. I can't move, unless you let me."

The frown on Charles' face deepened. It didn't look like he was completely shocked by this revelation.

"You're a mutant," Erik explained. "Do you remember that?"

"No."

"But what a mutant is?"

Charles nodded slowly.

"You're a-"

"-telepath," Charles finished.

Erik nodded. "People don't see you because you don't let them. I think you were trying to protect yourself."

"But that man..."

"Yeah, I think you might've actually made him give you that money. He's lucky it was just what you thought you needed. It's very you, though. Taking only a fiver."

Charles shook his head. "No, but... I asked people for money, for food. I wouldn't... Why would I?"

"You must've been really very scared," Erik said softly. "C'mon, let me go. I can help you. Maybe I can help you remember."

"I'm not doing anything!"

Erik sighed. "You're doing it unconsciously. I'm not going to hurt you, do you believe that?"

"I don't know."

"All right, touch your head."

Charles pressed his palm against his forehead.

Snorting a laugh, Erik nodded. "That'll do, I guess. Concentrate on me."

He wasn't a telepath, of course, but he hoped Charles would pick up some of the images and thoughts he pressed forward. He was thinking what Charles would have called "loudly" if he'd been aware of it. Erik had asked him so many times to describe what it was like, but the best Charles had come up with what that it was like a radio blarring away in the background and if you wanted some peace and quiet you had to tune into just static in between channels. 

Charles gasped suddenly and stumbled a step backwards, hitting the bed behind him. "How did you do that?" he asked, frightened.

Erik felt he could move again and quickly approached Charles. "I didn't, you did. What did you see?"

"You're Erik."

"I am."

"You're who I was looking for. I was walking... It felt like I was walking towards something, but I knew I wasn't, I was just walking, but... I think it was you. It was the same feeling." Charles rambled, he had sank down onto the edge of the bed, holding the hoodie limply in his hands. 

"You were looking for me," Erik said and sat down beside him. "But you didn't remember it."

Charles nodded. "I was so scared," he whispered. "I didn't know what had happened." Suddenly, he lifted his gaze to look at Erik. "I could've made anyone just buy me food and let me stay in their house."

"You could have made them give you your house, but you have standards. None would have been as nice as your house." He smiled.

"I'm an idiot." Charles frowned.

"Well, you're a good person, so... yeah. And you weren't thinking clearly, I don't know how much you can expect of subconscious telepathy. You did steal five dollars off of someone, after all."

"It's not stealing, he wanted... Oh." Charles' shoulders slumbed. His stomach growled.

"Do you remember anything now?" Erik asked. He reached behind them to grab a woolen blanket off the bed and drape it over Charles' bare shoulders. 

"I remember you. Sort of."

Erik nodded. He left his hand on the blanket on Charles' back. "Where did you wake up?"

"The street," Charles muttered. "I woke up and was just... there. I was bleeding and afraid and I didn't know... anything. It took me a day to even move away from the spot, I thought I had to wait for someone or that I'd be punished if I left or... I don't know. I don't know." He buried his face in his hands and suddenly slumped sideways against Erik, who hugged him close.

"Sorry," Charles muttered against Erik's chest.

"Don't apologise."

"No, for smelling."

Erik chuckled and ruffled Charles' hair. "Yeah, okay, apologise for that." He stroked his head, then asked, "Do you remember your home now?"

"I see it. I think that's you, though."

"Walk around in it."

Charles was quiet for a while, melting against Erik as he carded his fingers through his hair and over the nape of his neck, feeling another plaster there. Suddenly, Charles tensed, then jerked up.

"The kids! Hank!"

Erik tilted his head to look at him. "Back now?"

"But..." Charles gasped. Gasped again and stared at Erik with eyes wide. Tears were starting at their edges, Charles was breathing too fast.

"Charles, calm down. It's all right. You're safe now."

Charles couldn't calm down. 'Erik!' he yelled in Erik's head.

"Shhh, shhh, calm down," Erik said and thought. He took Charles cold hands in his and gently stroked his knuckles. "It's okay, you're here with me, you're sa-"

'No! Erik! I've to warn Erik!'

"No, no, Charles, I'm Erik, I'm right here, it's okay."

"No, no, no, no, no, no," Charles rambled out loud, "no, look!" His head fell foreward so his forehead touched Erik's and the hotel room vanished.

Erik was in Cerebro, he was Charles, he was looking over Charles' shoulder, he saw the men in the laboratory, talking about Erik, about him, the "metal bender", the next mutant their spies had spotted. He needed to warn Erik, needed to save him, save all of them, that lab where was it, it wasn't far, it was in a big city, what a better place to hide, to find mutants, they don't have Cerebro, they have spies, I need to warn Erik, find him, where is he? Erik? But if I warn him, he'll go, he's stubborn that way, he'll want to make them pay, oh my god, the others, there's been others, Erik mustn't know, can't tell Erik, but I need to save him, need to warn him, I'll tell him once I've dealt with them, I need to do it myself, Erik mustn't know, he'll hurt them...

There was a loud gasp and the room returned. Erik lay on the floor in front of the bed, Charles was still sitting on the edge, holding his head between his hands, rocking.

Erik tried to calm his breathing, the gasp, he realised, had been his. "You... infuriating man," he panted and dragged himself up to sit next to Charles again and gather him close. "You fucking idiot." He hugged him tightly, rocked with him. "What did you do?"

He saw the building, the offices, the lab, he was invisible, he was destroying data, he was careless.

"A telepath," he heard a voice say over the pain in his head. He could feel blood running down his neck. "Now that's a first. Let's see what you can do."

Turned out he could do a lot. He could freeze them even after they'd beat him every time he squirmed too much. He could still wipe their memories. Even with the electrodes attached to his temples.

Erik blinked and looked down at Charles in his arms. "Did you wipe yourself?"

"No! I dunno. I don't know WHAT they were doing," Charles muttered. He buried his head closer against Erik. "God, it hurts. You don't think I killed them, do you?"

"I think they would've deserved it, but no. What was that machine you were attached to? Does it still exist?"

"I don't know."

"You do. Think. C'mon. I know it hurts," he petted Charles' head, "but if it's still there we need to destroy it."

"When was all this?" Charles asked. "I don't even know how long since I left."

He'd torn off the electrodes himself, blood everywhere, and the fucking machine was still humming, god knows what it even was. He should take Hank to check it out, but then he couldn't let Hank see all this, he needed to protect them all from people like these. In the end, he used a chair to smash the machine. It was surprisingly easy.

"Well, I guess we could've learned something from taking a closer look at it," Erik said, "but I'm glad it's gone."

"I need to call Hank, they'll be sick with worry. The kids..."

"You can do that after you've taken a nap and eaten something," Erik said. "You look thin. Do you have any idea how long you were with them?"

"Days? I need to call Hank, I can't let them keep on wondering where I am."

"All right," Erik nodded. "Just..." He hugged Charles tighter. "Stay here a second. Calm down." He breathed in deeply as if urging Charles to do the same. Charles was still breathing too fast.

"You didn't tell anyone about this."

"I wanted... I thought..."

"You can't do that, Charles." Erik let go a bit to look into Charles' eyes. "I thought you're all a team now. Superheroes, something like that. Aren't you Professor X?"

"Don't call me that. They're just kids."

"They defeated Shaw."

"You defeated Shaw. And look at what it cost you and they, those people wanted to... Cerebro is there to save people, to help me keep them safe."

"Not just you."

Charles opened his mouth to reply, then stopped. He took in a deep breath and let it go slowly. "I may have panicked. When I realised they were going after you."

"I can look after myself. Really well."

"I don't want you to have to do that anymore. I want you to figure out what you want to do now, with your life, not... I didn't want THAT for you again. Going after people intent on hurting you. I don't want you to avenge mutants, I want you to... be happy." Charles bowed his gaze. 

It made Erik's heart ache with fondness. He gently brushed Charles' hair away from the plaster on his temple. "I can still look after myself better than you," he said. "Look at you. You think I want you doing this for me?"

Charles wasn't meeting his eyes. "I can't let you go down the same path again. If it happens again, I'll not act differently. I'm sorry, Erik, I can't."

Erik watched him quietly, then asked, "If it was different, would you have told me? If we were a team?"

"A team."

"If we were... together, if I'd been at the house."

"You don't want that. You said so yourself, we're complicated. 'Intimate friends'. Not a team." Charles sounded so hurt it made Erik flinch.

"I won't be told off for wanting to keep you safe. You can rant all you want, it doesn't change how I feel." At last, Charles lifted his head to look at Erik. "And I assume that means you'll never come back now, right? Cause finally there's a good reason to stay away and it'll even be for my own good."

Taken aback, Erik let go of him. "You think you know me so well, don't you?"

"Well, I can read minds."

"Can you? I wonder sometimes."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

Erik sighed. "That I feel the same way, Charles. If that's what it takes to keep YOU safe, obviously that's what I'll do."

Charles frowned. "Staying because of me? To keep me from fucking up?"

"Do you have to make it sound so-"

"Harsh? That's what it sounds like, Erik. To me. You'll stay because you care about me so much you'll give up your life to make sure I don't die saving yours. And all of that with benefits, cause we're, after all, intimate friends. How convenient."

"Your memory must still be suffering," Erik snapped. "Or you'd remember I also said there's love between us."

Charles snapped his mouth shut.

"And if I've been looking for a reason to stay, because I can't just say I want to and then do it, because I'M complicated, and if that reason just happens to be that I don't want you to kill yourself on account of worrying over my safety, then what's so horrible about that? You're a fucking mind-reader and you can't fathom it's difficult for me to stay anywhere for long just because I love someone?"

There was silence after that, just Erik's harsh breathing and Charles' wide stare.

"You love me?"

"Of course I fucking love you."

"I love you, too."

"Yeah, no shit. I know that, Charles. I know we're good together and I know we should stay together and I know I think of your home as my home. I usually don't want to, but it's the way it is. I know all that." Erik scratched his head, living his hair sticking up. "It doesn't mean it's easy to accept."

Again, they sat in silence. 

"You're a better mind reader than I am," Charles said eventually.

"Yes, oddly enough, a lot of people are, darling," Erik said and patted his back as if comfortingly. "But I still love you and I want to be with you. And most of all I don't want you to ever do anything like this ever again." He hugged Charles again and lay down to snuggle him close. "I care about you more than I dare to say, so... don't do things like this to me, all right?" He kissed his forehead.

Charles sighed. "I need a shower." His stomach growled.

"And a sandwich."

"Tea. I bought tea with the rest of the five dollars, but that ways days ago."

"Tea it is." Erik pecked him again. "Why don't you want to go to a hospital?"

"Oh, subconsciously scared of the voices, I guess," Charles said. "Hank can look at me later, I don't think anything's broken."

"I love you," Erik said. He brushed Charles' hair back and kissed him on the lips. 'Really and a lot,' he thought. 'You're my home and that's so scary I won't say it out loud.'

'I'll try to be a better mind reader, then,' Charles thought back. 'I want to be your home.' He closed his eyes. 'I was so scared for you. I just had to find you.'

'And apparently you'll always find me, no matter what.'

"Yes," Charles said out loud. "Does that scare you?"

"No. That doesn't," Erik said and kissed him again. "C'mon, shower. I'll call room service for your tea and some soup."

'I love you more than tea,' Charles thought at him and Erik chuckled. 

'That's the most beautiful thing anyone ever said to me in my head.'

'I know, I checked.' 

"Go shower," Erik said out loud and gently helped him up again. "I won't be far."

In the doorway to the bathroom, Charles turned again to look at Erik, who stood with the receiver in his hand. "Will you stay for good this time?"

Erik thought about it. "Maybe not yet," he said.

Charles smiled.

THE END


End file.
